The Power of Life and Death

He emerged from the pool with a look of exhilaration.  My little boy had successfully jumped off of the diving board into the deep waters without the assistance of floaties.  He was so proud of his accomplishment!  I was so proud of him for overcoming his fears.  What he said next is what caught me off guard and broke my heart for just a moment.  Breathlessly, he asked, "Mom, was that good?"  I smiled as I stared at my brave little man who was standing before me, dripping and shivering. "That was wonderful!" I replied.  Then he smiled with a look of satisfaction, "...and _________ said I'd never be able to swim."  I left the name blank intentionally.  The intention of this post is not one of revenge or insult.  My heart is that people would think before they speak to ANYONE, especially a child. 

      I wish I could tell you that the quote from above was from an insensitive child.  It wasn't.  It was said by an adult.  They weren't mad, they weren't frustrated, they weren't having a bad day...they were just stating their personal opinion.  One other thing I should point out is that this incident happened on our first trip to the neighborhood pool this year!  My son was remembering words spoken over him from a year earlier!  Those words that seemed like a harmless observation to the person who said them had been written on the heart of a boy who trusted this adult, and even believed that the adult's opinion was a fact.  

     I've heard people say that our tongue is the strongest muscle in our body.  I don't know if that's true, but I do believe it is the most powerful.  I also know what God's word says:

Psalm 52:4 You love every harmful word, you deceitful tongue!

Psalm 64:3 They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.

Psalm 140:3 They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s; the poison of vipers is on their lips.

Proverbs 15:4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 25:23 Like a north wind that brings unexpected rain is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look.

Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

James 3:6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

James 3:8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

James 3:9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.

     This incident reminded me of a conversation that my husband and I once had.  I was telling him about an event from my childhood.  I told him that I must have been about eight.  I was dancing.  I remember how much I loved to dance!  I loved making up dances.  As I was twirling about, performing what I believed to be a masterpiece in front of an imaginary adoring audience, someone caught me. My pretend audience quickly faded and I was hurled back into reality as this person laughed at me and made fun of that dance.  I remember feeling like a fool.  I remember making a vow that I would never put myself in a situation to be laughed at again.  That's a pretty sad vow for a girl who loves theatre and adores the stage!

     My husband was so sweet to listen to me pour my heart out over a past hurt.  It was what he said next that has stuck with me, "What is really sad is that you remember those words so clearly."  His statement revealed two things to me.  First, I realized that I had some bitterness that I needed to pray over and release.  Second, words spoken to a child (or anyone) that seem small to you can crush their spirit, drive them to make vows, change who they are or who they were created to be.

     This gave me a new sensitivity.  Not just for the words coming out of my mouth, but the message that comes with those words.  Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I’ve been able to achieve a completely tamed and gentle tongue.  I wish I could say that I have perfected this in myself, but I haven’t.  I'm a work in progress.  Now that I understand this though, I have started training myself to reflect on discussions that I’ve had with my children, my husband, and my friends.  I can start coming up with a plan for how I will tame and train my tongue the next time circumstances arise that normally would have pushed my tongue to the point of launching arrows.  If it’s too late, and the damage is done, I can go speak truth over any lies that might have been heard.  I have had a few moments where I’ve had to sit down with my husband or child and start the conversation: “When we were talking, I’m concerned that my out of control mouth spoke lies over you. I apologize. Will you forgive me?"

    A few days ago, my husband and I were trying to make an important decision.  We disagreed on which decision was the right one, but I knew that ultimately, he needed to make the decision.  I began asking him several questions and after a minute I noticed he was getting a little aggravated.  I took a deep breath and a pause to collect my thoughts and reflect on our conversation.  I said, “I’m concerned that my questions are sending you the message that I don’t trust you to lead our family.  That is not true.  I love you and I trust you.  I just know that I’m called to support you and I thought the best way to support you was to make sure you’ve looked at this decision from every angle.  I trust whatever decision you make.”  A peace washed over me and seemed to wash over my husband as well.  The tension disappeared.  I would have been offended by his frustration just a few weeks ago, but that little boy of mine had to overcome a lot in order to replace the lie that he would never be able to swim. I didn’t want my husband to spend any time wondering if I respected him and trusted him.

   One last note….James 3:8 says that no HUMAN BEING can tame the tongue.  I thank God that HE can!  I’m praying He’ll do that in me a little more each day so that I’ll catch those words and tones in my voice before they spew out of my mouth.