My husband spent the rest of my pregnancy (even when they became weekly visits), skipping his lunch, driving home early, taking me to the doctor and sitting in the van for up to 2 hours working on his laptop. Yes, he is my knight in shining armor. :) I would hyperventilate, literally every time we approached the bridge. I would cry and wonder why I had to live in such a place.
Elijah was born very ill with PPHN. He stayed in the hospital in Lake Charles, LA. The only thing keeping me from seeing my baby everyday was a bridge. Well, any Mama Bear like me will join me in saying that NO bridge will keep me from my baby. I quickly learned to drive over that bridge. I didn't like it, but I crossed it, often deep in prayer or song while doing so.
Months later, I joined a Bible study that had me driving over the I-10 bridge to attend. I followed a fellow Sulphur resident the first day. I had shared my fear with her. When we arrived at the church parking lot she said that when we were crossing the bridge she looked back at me and saw that I was either singing or praying. I assured her that Sandi Patty's "His Eye is On the Sparrow" was blaring through my speakers and this girl was singing along.
Eventually, the bridge became almost a daily habit. Some days it was no big deal and I would be rejoicing over how far God had brought me. Some days I would literally shake and get dizzy as my van began to make the climb. My friend reminded me of a lesson she had learned from a Beth Moore study. How our enemy is waiting to pull us back into a captivity from which God has already released us. UGH! I knew without a doubt this was happening.
I was approaching the bridge one day and a song began to play over K-Love. Yes, you guessed it: "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin. The lyrics are as follows:
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God.
Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. All powerful, untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God. Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. Incomparable, unchangeable You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.You are amazing God. You are amazing God.
God clearly told me as the song played: "If I tell lightning where it should go, don't you think I can hold up a bridge?" I shouted "Thank you" as I drove over victoriously. My daughter said, "Mom, who are you talking to?" I replied, "God, baby. God is so good. He cares about the tiniest things."
I was telling the same friend who shared with me the lesson on captivity about this experience. She said that she was on an airplane flying through a storm--scared as she could be--and the same song came into her mind. Confirmation. God doesn't have to confirm His messages to us, but He chooses to so often. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. No, I was not imagining His voice and encouragement that day. He had given my friend the SAME song, just to remind us that he is AWESOME...worthy of AWE! Who else deserves my AWE, but this creator, this Amazing God?
Fast forward to my move to Mississippi. Funny thing about moving to this state. When you live a little west of it, you have to cross the Mississippi River to get to Mississippi. No alternate route will get you around this unless you intend on going by boat via the Gulf of Mexico, or taking a short detour through Canada. Enter the Baton Rouge bridge. I don't like it. Take the Lake Charles bridge and add some height, an extra lane, and tons of traffic. Here come the fears again.
I had my mom's phone number on speed dial. I had called her to warn her that as we approached the bridge, I would have my son call her and I would put her on speaker to talk me over this thing. I was praying about the up coming obstacle when God told me not to call my mom. I replied with my best 2 year old impression, "but WHY?" God asked me if He had told me that he had plans for me in Mississippi. I said, "yes". He said, "Well, on the other side of that bridge is my plan. Do you trust me to take you to it?" Of course I do. I put the phone away.
Without skipping a beat, what do you think began playing over K-Love? Oh yes, it was "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin. God had sent out a song request FOR ME! Because He's God and He's faithful in ways he doesn't even have to be.
I drove over the bridge thinking of this story of the disciples traveling by boat with Jesus:
Jesus Calms the Storm
35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” 39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. 40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” If you will notice, in verse 35 Jesus said, "Let us go over to the other side." The disciples should have known just by hearing that one sentence that they were going to make it to the other side. This was not just anyone instructing them to go across. If Jesus says they'll make it across, there is no need for fear, they WILL make it across.
I quickly made it to the other side of the bridge, and tears poured from my eyes. God is always faithful. He cares about the things that seem silly to us. I have always known my fear is irrational, it doesn't change that the fear is there.
For my fellow friends who struggle with one fear or another, here are 2 verses that I often repeated when crossing the bridge. Feel free to leave verses that encourage you in times of fear in the comments.
2 Timothy 1:7 (English Standard Version)
7for God gave us(A) a spirit not of fear but(B) of power and love and self-control.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (English Standard Version)
5We destroy arguments and(A) every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to(B) obey Christ,
I often catch myself repeating, "I was not given a spirit of fear, I was not given a spirit of fear", or "Lord, take that thought captive....and that one too!" Just a little FYI: The latter one works well when you are angry too. :)
Do you see why I had to write this? I had it on my heart to post this particular story and got side-tracked, then God once again sent out a song request to that very same radio station. God is truly in control...of everything, even the little stuff.
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