Stuff Just Got Real!

     The guest pastor at our church Sunday really made me think.  He was talking about sharing the "good news".  He talked about being real.  He talked about Facebook.  This is a place where I struggle.  I don't feel comfortable with the thought that someone would see my smiling family and assume that is how we appear every moment.  Still, I am very uncomfortable sharing frustrations that I might have with my children, husband, family or friends.  I think of Ephesians 4:29 that says we should speak ONLY words meant for edification.  I'm not sure how to achieve the balance of being real and only edifying or building up my loved ones.  Still, I find that I can't relate to people that have it all together.  Sure, I know it is just a Facebook image for them as well.  Their reason for presenting the world with their picture-perfect family may be similar to mine.  However, I want people to know the real me.  I want people to be able to relate to me.  I'm a mess.  EVERYTHING good about me is because of Christ.  I mean that!  I've had people try to correct me when I've said that to them, but let me explain...without Christ, I'll taint even the good things about me.  I know this, because I know me.

     I don't know if anyone even cares, but I thought I'd share a few things that are real.  I thought that if even one person was looking through all of the statuses filled with happiness and successes, and pretty pictures of starched children, and they are feeling beaten up by the world because they don't measure up...maybe they can read this and remember that we are ALL real.  We all struggle.  The same pastor that I mentioned above also said this, "The gospel is evidence of how messed up we all are."  Well, there you have it.  If we present ourselves as perfect to the world, why on earth would they see our need for a Savior?

     First and foremost, I want to address pictures.  I take several.  I don't mean I take several different photos, I mean several of the SAME photo.  Sometimes, it is a picture of my children.  Maybe the first shot had one crying or angry.  Another shot might show a mess in my house.  I've been known on some days to search out the "clean spot" for a photo.  I justify it by saying that my mess ain't anybody’s business, but really I just don't want people to know that we often have clutter.  Seven people live in this home.  Six of them are usually here 24/7.  Yep...we get cluttered occasionally.  Often, actually.  Also, I hate pictures of myself.  I have crazy hair, I rarely wear make-up and I need to lose weight.  I choose the days when I've taken the time to pull out the Chi and the make-up bag to post a "selfie".  I struggle with the whole weight loss thing because it is a deep internal struggle with which I wrestle.  I was date-raped in college.  It killed my spirit and put me in a constant fight or flight mode.  Every time I begin to lose weight for health reasons, I start to panic that someone is going to hurt me again. Weight has become a security blanket for me.  It's not a fun place to be, but I've recently fallen to my knees, crying out to God to deliver me from this fight.  I'm a work in progress....

     Parenting.  I yell.  Not every day and not constantly, but sometimes I get frustrated and I yell.  Guess what?  It doesn't work.  Never has, never will...but still, I sometimes yell.  I apologize.  I apologize often.  My children are very forgiving.  They are not, however perfect.  Sometimes they talk back.  Sometimes they throw screaming fits.  Sometimes they sneak, lie, steal, and make horrible choices.  Granted, they really are great kids...but they are humans who were born into a fallen world.  Sometimes my children struggle with anger.  Really, really bad and violent anger.  We have taken the child who struggles with this to therapy.  This child is beautiful!  This child has a testimony.  This child is an overcomer...but this road has been hard, and scary, and lonely. 

     My husband really is my best friend and I really do still get butterflies.  Not every day.  Sometimes he does things that annoy me.  Sometimes I'm easily annoyed and my poor husband is the easiest target.  At the beginning of our marriage we fought often and we fought ugly.  I'm excited to say that we rarely fight now.  We barely had a Christian walk when we first met.  We have both started chasing hard after God, so of course He has brought us to a place of unity.  We have common goals and visions for our future.  Still, sometimes I make him very, very angry.  Sometimes I'm not very careful with my words.  Sometimes I'm not nice at all.  I remember one argument where I said something very sarcastic and ugly.  It stopped him in his tracks.  He said, "That was just nasty."  It is not fun hearing that come out of your husband's mouth, but he was right.  I am more careful with my words now, but I still have moments where I disappoint him and myself.

     So friends, my sink isn't always emptied of dirty dishes.  I don't always buy organic.  I never, and I mean NEVER iron. I often feel insignificant.  I second-guess myself.  I care too much what people think.  I can be very, very selfish.  I lose things.  I buy spaghetti sauce in a jar. I'm unorganized. My yard needs a landscaper.  My house needs updating and it may be a while before that happens.  I still wrestle with parts of my past that are not completely healed.  I let things get me mad.  I let things bring me down.  I have a tattoo.  I LOVE my tattoo!  It's a cute purple fish on my ankle!   I NEED my Savior.  Like, desperately NEEEEEED Him!  I'm just a screaming dramatic mess without Him.  Here is what is so very amazing about all of this, though...God is using me anyway!  He isn't waiting for me to "get it together" to use me for His glory.  I'm concerned that our precious, patient God would be waiting a mighty long time if He were dependent on me.  Luckily, He has already had a perfect One walk this earth.  It's not up to me to be perfect.  It is up to me to choose whom I will serve.  The one thing I am confident about in my life, the one thing I don't second-guess, is my choice to follow Christ.  I wouldn't change a thing about that.

**One more thing.  I just completed a spelling and grammar check on this post.  Apparently, I use a lot of fragments, and I’m just rebellious enough that I hit “ignore once”.  ;-)

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.